Last week NG came home and as I was cooking dinner she proceeded to tell me that her BFF told her there is no Santa and that she has known this since she was four years old. This of course began a heavy conversation that resulted in me stomping upstairs, slamming my door, and sitting on my bed and crying. YES, me not NG.
NG: So is there a Santa mom?
Me: Of course there is! I believe. I want presents so I believe. If you don’t believe I don’t know what will happen for you but I sure wouldn't want to find out.
NG: No, really mom! BFF said that she saw her parents putting the presents under the tree when she was four years old. And some of my other friends say the same thing that there is NO Santa.
Me: They just say that because they are naughty and Santa won’t be bringing them what they want so their parents have to do it.
In walks the husband.
NG: Daddy, is there a Santa?
The Mr.: No. You’re old enough NG to know there isn’t. You’re going to middle school next fall and it’s about time you knew. I’M SANTA!
IG: WHAT??? MAN! I wish it were that easy for me! I was 12 years old and still believed! I wished you would tell me the truth. No one ever did!
Me: What the heck are you doing? [Jaw dropped and horror on my face.]
The Mr.: What do you mean? She’s old enough Cess. She’s going to be made fun of at school.
NG: Yea, some kids already make fun of me and say I’m lame for believing in Santa.
The Mr.: SEE!
Me: They’re lame! [Yes that was the best comeback I had.]
IG: Yea mom I was made fun of.
Oh my frigging gawd I am seriously going to cry. The Mr. must have noticed the tears welling up in my eyes because he began to backpedal but it was too late.
The Mr.: NG daddy’s just kidding. Of course there’s a Santa.
The damage is done. She is looking at us both unsure of her daddy’s last comment. I can see her going to the other side. I ran upstairs, slammed the bedroom door, sat on the bed, and cried! He did not just do this. He did not destroy what I spent 17 years doing! Every year for both of our children, all of my hard work, mailing their lists to Santa, the snow prints from Santa that he left from the chimney to the tree, the letters, even phone calls from Santa, the cookies eaten and the carrots gone, every Christmas waking up at 2 a.m. to put all the gifts under the tree… all of it over.
NG of course was deeply concerned about her dear old mother who was losing her mind over Santa. She knocked gently on my door and came over to me as I sat on my bed and said, “I still believe mommy. I do.” Sweet, sweet girl of mine taking pity on her nutty mother who was devastated by her father’s honesty. How kind of her to try and keep hope alive for me.
Christmas is such a wonderful time and my children know the true reason for the season I have taught them this. They also understand giving and gratitude at this time and the importance of family. But Santa was something separate that helped make it feel magical and amazing. I don’t know why it hit me so hard but it did. It crushed my heart and maybe that’s because Santa symbolized their childhood and their innocence and now it was gone. I was a wonderful Santa going all out every year to make them believe. Now what do I have to look forward to? Damn that husband of mine.
Just read this with Tochie, tell Chuckie we are going to kick his butt next time we see him!...and Tochie just stomped off to her bedroom crying "What!?!??! NO Santa!!?!?!"
ReplyDeleteLMAO nina! thank you! you get him. ugh that man! i don't know whether to keep up the charade or let the dream die. she still wants to bake cookies for santa. this may be my last year so i'm going to keep up the routine ;).
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